Whispers in the Dark
by SunsetRainbow
Summary: What if Aizen died in Huecos Mundos. What if that came at a price of their loved ones. What if two certain ice shinigami's found love on the way. HitsuRuki. DISCONTINUED.
1. Renji dies!

**Main pairing: **Hitsugaya x Rukia

**Side pairings: **Ichigo x Orihime, hint of Rangiku x Gin

**Summary : **Supposing if Aizen died in Huecos Mundos. What if that happened at a cost of their loved ones. What if 2 certain ice type shinigami's found love. HitsuRuki

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach in any way.

_Right: this is my first HitsuRuki fanfic. Please be nice about it. I dont want any flamers in any form._

_I know loads of HitsuRuki fans hate HitsuHina with a passion. Sorry, but I love HitsuHina so I don't want any comments about either Orihime or Hinamori – calling them bitches, whores, sluts and think they should die in a hellhole. For me, I find it very insulting._

_This HitsuRuki fanfic will be extremely gradual. Love will bloom XD but it will be gradual. I hate cliches and this story won't be one._

_Also, I will be switching POV's every now and then._

_Now I've got that out of the way, I'll get on with my story! XDD _

_**NORMAL POV**_

Deep in the dark world of Huecos Mundos, where time seemed to lose meaning, Kuchiki Rukia managed to get to her feet. She had somehow survived this brutal battle and after it was all over, she felt a wave of peace wash over her. She had avenged the death of Kaien dono and everything was alright. However, she still needed to get to Inoue.

As she walked onwards, she suddenly felt a massive drop in Renji's reiatsu. She stopped in her tracks, trying to make sense of it all. _What had happened to Renji? _Abandoning the mission to find Inoue temporarily, she raced frantically, trying to find Renji. _Where was he?_

Then suddenly she saw him, lying on the ground in a pool of his own blood. Her heart skipped a beat.

"Renji" Rukia whispered. _He can't be dead! He just can't be!_

Immediately she ran to his side, she pressed her head against his chest, trying to listen for a heartbeat and trying not to blush from the close contact. She breathed a sigh of relief. There was a heartbeat...but only just. She quickly removed her head from his chest as she felt him stir.

His eyes flew open. "Rukia?" He muttered.

"Shhh" Rukia said urgently "Don't talk."

She felt scared for him. All that blood, the faint heartbeat..it wasn't a good sign at all. Renji opened his mouth to speak but instead of words, he coughed out blood.

"Who did this to you?" Rukia whispered.

Renji finally managed to form one word. "Aizen." He choked.

Rukia felt a chill go down her spine. _Aizen Sosuke. _The man that had betrayed Soul Society. _Why did he do this to Renji? _

"He's after Hinamori." Renji finally managed to speak, answering the unanswered question in Rukia's eyes.

Renji took a deep breath and gripped Rukia's hand tightly.

"Listen, Hinamori went after Aizen because she doesn't believe he was capable of such a thing. She found out where he was and managed to get in to Huecos Mundos. I was trying to stop Aizen getting to her."

Rukia's mind was spinning. She recalled what little she knew of the 5th division vice captain under Aizen Sosuke. Kind, sweet girl who adored and admired her captain to the very end. She remembered that Hinamori was the first to find Aizen's "body". She had been devastated. She forced to herself to think about to the present. She vainly tried not to think about what would happen to Hinamori if Aizen found her. Either death or a life time of slavery.

"Rukia" Renji whispered. "I want you to carry my body and try and find Hinamori kun as quickly as possible? Do you hear me? I want her to be safe."

Rukia stared at him in shock. _Body? That couldn't mean..._

"Yes" Renji smiled sadly. "I am dying."

_Thud. _Rukia fell on her knees and gasped as her knees hit the cold hard stone floor. _Dying? _Her shoulders shook as she desperately clutched her chest. Tears filled her eyes and a couple spilled over.

"Baka!" She scolded. "You're not dying, don't say things like that."

"I-"

"Come on Inoue San is coming right? She'll heal you. Right?" Her voice increased in pitch, as she tried in vain to ignore the inevitable outcome.

"Rukia!" Renji's voice startled her. "Look at me."

Rukia forced herself to look at Renji. Her eyes widened at the sight of the blood, he had suffered immense damage. His bones were broken, he could barely move as it was. _He won't be able to survive much longer. _Then it hit her. He really was going to die and she was helpless to prevent it. Just like with Kaien. The sobs wracked her body, they streamed down her face and she couldn't stop herself. She knew Inoue was too far away, too far away to heal Renji.

"I can't lose you!" Rukia whispered. "I just can't!"

"You'll never lose me Rukia." Renji said weakly. "As long as you keep me in your heart then you'll never lose me."

Rukia stared in spite of herself. _The very words of Kaien dono..._

"I need to ask you something." Renji looked into her eyes and she found that she couldn't look away. "Do you love Ichigo?"

Rukia's jaw dropped open.

"Nani?"

"You love him don't you?" Renji said sadly. "I knew you always -"

Renji was interrupted by a giggle emitting from Rukia's throat.

"What the hell?" She laughed. "I don't love him, I -"

She suddenly looked nervous. "I-I l-love you."

_Crap now I've said it. Well done Rukia. _She closed her eyes waiting for rejection. Instead she felt his lips on her, her eyes widened in shock but she enjoyed the feeling and kissed him back.

"I never knew" Renji breathed. "All this time, I've loved you and never said..."

"Why didn't you say so before idiot?" Rukia said with tears in her eyes.

Renji looked down, sheepishly. "I was going to but you were adopted by the Kuchiki Clan so I never found the courage ever since.."

There was a pause as Rukia hugged him, feeling a sense of happiness. Everything was going to be alright. Everything except..

Renji turned to her and smiled. "Arigato Rukia. Now I can finally move on.."

Rukia stared at him and realisation struck her. _He has no more time left in this world. _

"Renji don't leave me." She whispered. "Please don't."

"I'll never leave you Rukia." He muttered back, holding his hand in hers. "Don't forget that."

She kissed him, with tears in her eyes as his eyes closed. Moments later, his heart stopped beating, he stopped breathing and his body went cold.

Only one scream filled the air.

"RENJI!"

_I was crying at this :( Yeahh sorry I have to kill him off. Don't worry, Hitsugaya & Rukia are definitely getting together! I just have to do some character introduction first. _

_PLEASE R & R!The other thing is, I won't update regulary as I have school. NO FLAMERSS!_


	2. Hinamori dies!

Main pairing: Hitsugaya x Rukia

**Main pairing: **Hitsugaya x Rukia

**Side pairings: **Ichigo x Orihime, hint of Rangiku x Gin

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach in any way.

_**NORMAL POV**_

Further on in the chambers of Huecos Mundos, Aizen Sosuke walked onwards to find his former fukutaichou – Hinamori Momo. He was close now, very close. He smiled to himself. He would have to dispose of another life but it was no trouble. Causing suffering and pain to others never was much trouble to him.

His thoughts were interrupted when Hinamori Momo stepped out infront of him.

"Aizen Taichou, is that really you?" She whispered.

Aizen smiled at her, his fake smile, the one that he used to deceive others. _Foolish, foolish girl. How pitiful._

"Yes it is, Hinamori Kun." He looked at her, so willing to believe. "Do you remember me?"

For a second or two, Hinamori just stood there. At the back of her mind, there was a whisper of doubt. Although it was clearly her captain that stood before her now, there was something different about him. Something she couldn't place.

"Um Aizen Taichou" She said hesitantly. "Why aren't you wearing your glasses?"

The moment she asked that question out loud, she knew it sounded silly. Yet she had to know, she had to be reassured that the man before her was really her Captain. The one she had been devoted to, the one that she had worked hard for.

_The one accessory he had forgotten_. He reached into his back pocket and brought out his pair of glasses.

His smile widened. "Oh, you mean this old relic?"

With one swift movement, he brought his left foot crashing down on the pair of glasses, easily snapping them in two. Hinamori stood there stunned, the fear apparent in her eyes. He turned to her, the fake smile still fixed on his face.

"I don't think I have need of these anymore." He said calmly.

Hinamori took one step back and then another. The Aizen that she had known would never have done that. Suddenly she realised. She realised the true extent of this man's power. She realised now that Hitsugaya Kun and everyone back in Soul Society had been trying to tell her, they had been trying to protect her and she had been wrong all along.

Tears filled her eyes as she raised her zanpaktou to defend herself. She hated this. She hated him like she had never hated before. All this time, he had deceived her and everyone back home with his lies.

_Oh you are such a fool Momo!_

"What's wrong Hinamori? Why are you raising your zanpaktou like you did against your Shiro Chan?"

Aizen's voice filled the air, loud and mocking. Tears spilled over as she remembered how she must have hurt Toshiro.

"Why?" She whispered, clutching her zanpaktou tightly as if it was her a lifeline, the only thing saving her from tumbling into eternal darkness.

"AIZEN SOSUKE!"

Her scream filled the air. This scream portrayed how she felt. Everything had gone wrong, everything. She was sick at heart, she was sick of her life, this life of betrayal. She was going to die here, alone.

Aizen laughed, it chilled Hinamori to the bone. No longer was that fake smile still plastered on his face. This was his true self, the self that he had hidden from Hinamori until now.

"You realise too late girl." His voice was cold. "Goodbye."

Hinamori knew she did not have the strength and skill that Aizen possessed and closed her eyes waiting for the end. Suddenly someone shunpoed in front of her and brought their zanpaktou to meet with Aizen's.

Hinamori was startled. "Nani…"

Hitsugaya Toshiro stood in front of Hinamori, his zanpaktou drawn. Although he had not even released his shikai, it was clear the anger he felt, with his reiatsu blazing out at full volume.

"Aizen!" He hissed.

Hinamori stood stunned, knowing that if it weren't for Hitsugaya, she would be dead. She was flooded with all sorts of emotions – happiness, fear and most of all _Guilt_. That she was a burden once more to everyone.

"Hitsugaya..Kun." She whispered.

"Baka." Hitsugaya replied. "How many times do I have to tell you? It's Hitsugaya Taichou."

At that he turned to look at her with a wry grin and relief flooded through Hinamori at those words. Everything was alright. She smiled then, with tears in her eyes.

"You never change do you?" She whispered.

"I must admit I am surprised to see you Hitsugaya Kun." Aizen said, with a smile on his face. "Come to rescue the damsel in distress?"

Hitsugaya's eyes immediately shifted to Aizen and hatred was clearly shown in his features. All he could think about now was _Revenge_. How Aizen had hurt everyone, especially Momo, the girl he loves.

"Aizen Sosuke." He declared. "I will kill you!"

Aizen raised an eyebrow. "Brave words Hitsugaya Kun. Do you really think you have it in you?"

In a flash Aizen disappeared in a blink of an eye. Instantly, Hitsugaya flashstepped and his zanpaktou met Aizen's.

"Hitsugaya Kun!" Hinamori yelled.

"Stay back Hinamori!" Hitsugaya shouted back and in an instant, both men disappeared, and reappeared again and again, their swords clashing, neither able to gain the upper hand. However, as Hinamori watched on the sidelines she could see that slowly but surely Hitsugaya was losing the strength he had in the beginning.

Just then, Hitsugaya and Aizen appeared before Hinamori. Hitsugaya was covered in blood, Aizen on the other hand was barely hurt.

Aizen's smile was mocking. "Is that all you've got Hitsugaya Kun?"

Hitsugaya was breathing heavily. "I'm not finished yet!" He spat.

With a surge of reiatsu he yelled." Bankai! Daiguren Hyorinmaru!"

Hinamori stared at Hitsugaya in awe, she couldn't believe he still had that much strength left.

Hitsugaya surged forwards and stabbed Aizen in the heart. He stared in disbelief as Aizen disintegrated infront of him. Behind him, Aizen smiled.

"Game over."

There was no time to think, Hinamori just acted. She flashstepped infront of Hitsugaya and Aizen's zanpaktou went straight into Hinamori's back. Both men stared at her disbelief as Hinamori smiled at Hitsugaya weakly and slowly but surely crumpled to the ground in a heap.

"Hina..mori." Hitsugaya whispered.

He felt himself slowly start to tear up inside. His distress turned to rage. If it wasn't for Hinamori, _he would be dead. _ "_Hyorinmaru_" He heard himself call out.

"_Yes,_" He heard the ice dragon rumble."_I shall lend you my strength._"

Aizen laughed, a slow bitter laugh. Everyone was so eager to sacrifice their own lives. Suddenly, he felt an even greater reiatsu than his own. He looked up in shock and realised he was witnessing Hitsugaya's full mature bankai.

There was no time to think, no time to defend himself. Hitsugaya's zanpaktou pierced Aizen's heart. Covered in blood, Aizen looked up his features twisted in rage and he screamed, a horrific scream as he slowly fell to the ground.

"That's what you get for poisoning our minds with your lies." Hitsugaya hissed.

Out of the corner of the eye, he saw the body of the girl he loves stir slightly. Quickly, he rushed to her side. _Momo. _Slowly, her eyes fluttered open. She reached out and stroked his cheek gently. Ordinarily, Hitsugaya would have pulled away from her but he was too worried about Hinamori too care much about formalities at the moment.

"Is it..over?" She whispered.

Slowly Hitsugaya nodded. A bright smile formed on Hinamori's face but a tear drop fell and slowly rolled down her cheek. Hitsugaya hugged her close to him as he saw the spread of blood on her Shinigami robes. Hinamori felt her cheeks redden slightly at the close contact.

"I was such a fool." She whispered. "I knew Abarai Kun was coming after me yet I pressed on to find Aizen. I even felt his reiatsu disappear entirely and I knew he had fought with Aizen and not survived..."

Her voice trailed off as her eyes searched to find his. The tears rolled down faster now, and more apparent. She shivered in the crook of his arm.

"I'm worthless, disgusting and -"

She was cut off by his lips pressing onto hers. She gasped in spite of herself but soon enjoyed the feeling and kissed him back. As they broke apart, she could feel her cheeks growing warm and he smiled, the true smile he held for her alone.

"I thought you loved Aizen." Hitsugaya look puzzled for a moment.

She let out a giggle in reply. "Aizen? I admired him sure but I was never in love with him! That's quite gross!"

The pair of them laughed together easily, a bit of the pent up stress leaving them. Then Hinamori spoke quietly, so quiet that he almost didn't hear it.

"I have always loved you."

He stared at her, a smile that just grew wider and wider.

_She __**loved **__him. She __**always loved **__him._

"Shiro Chan?" She interrupted.

"Yes Bed Wetter?" He smirked.

She looked at him deeply. It was hard for her to do this but she had to do this.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done and...I won't survive."

Hitsugaya stared at her in shock, realisation dawning on him. _Hinamori is going to die._ He felt himself tear up inside, tears filling his eyes and splashing onto Hinamori. He couldn't bear this, it was all too much.

"Don't die." Hitsugaya begged. "Please Momo, I love you so much. Don't die."

He felt his shoulders shaking with anger. It was all his fault! That he had failed to protect Momo. _Again._

She watched him, calm and detached from it all. She had to tell him and it pained her to see him like this. Hinamori grabbed his hand, which caught his attention. She put his fingers to his lips.

"Live." She begged. "Just live and find a beautiful girl that will love you, care for you, understand you. Please Toshiro Kun, promise me."

Hitsugaya shook his head. _Why was she asking this? _"I won't, I only love you..."

She kissed him then, capturing his lips in hers.

"Please."

There was no argument in the matter. Hitsugaya swallowed, and slowly nodded. She smiled in relief then.

"I will always love you." She whispered in his ear. "You have not failed. You never have."

Hinamori sighed. "It's time for me to join Abarai Kun in heaven."

As Hitsugaya hugged Hinamori to his chest, enjoying every last moment as much as he could until he felt her body grow cold and finally stop moving altogether.

"MOMO!"

_OMFG that was just sooo long. PLEASE R&R! I am SO SORRY I took so long to write this!_

_XxXx_


	3. First Meeting

Main pairing: Hitsugaya x Rukia

**Main pairing: **Hitsugaya x Rukia

**Side pairings: **Ichigo x Orihime, hint of Rangiku x Gin

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach in any way.

_**NORMAL POV**_

_Basically everyone...just want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to my reviewers! You guys are awesome! _

_However I need to say something:_

_It is a gradual love, so if you don't like what you're seeing just stop reading and don't flame me. Also, no offense to any HitsuRuki fans but most HitsuRuki stories I see have hints of HinaAiz and IchiRuki. I hate HinaAiz and though I do like IchiRuki, it's not the BEST COUPLE in the world._

_Anywayz this chapter will be mainly IchiRuki friendship because I see them more as friends than lovers._

_Also please do not insult Renji either. He rocks so no Renji haters please. Insult Ichigo if you want (cause I don't really care about him) but don't insult Renji!_

_Lol. Also I do apologise for my paragraphs looking really short. On word it doesn't look like that XD_

_Xx_

Rukia felt numb. Drained completely, she felt red and raw inside. Rukia had cried until she could cry no more, yet she knew there were more tears waiting to fall. As she hugged Renji's lifeless body, she felt two familiar reiatsu's beside her.

"Kuchiki San." Orihime whispered.

Rukia slowly turned around, her eyes red and puffy from crying. A feeling of relief swept through her, that they were there for her. Ichigo stared at her in shock, at the state Rukia was in.

"Inoue..Ichigo" She uttered their names softly as she made a step towards them and then suddenly collapsed in Ichigo's arms.

"Rukia." Ichigo said gently.

Ichigo patted her back awkwardly. He wasn't great at showing his emotions but it surprised him, how broken Rukia was. He had no idea she had cared for Renji this much. Rukia clung to him desperately, as if he was her last lifeline. The tears rolled down her cheeks once more. Inoue silently went over to Renji's body, trying to ignore that feeling of jealousy inside her that Rukia and Ichigo were so close. She touched Renji's hand and shivered at the coldness of his body. She knew that they had been far too late. She hated that Renji had lost his life here, in Huecos Mundos. After he had been her nakama too. She felt the tears slowly roll down her cheeks.

Although she didn't say anything, Ichigo saw the tears and stared at her in shock.

"Inoue what's wrong?" He asked.

Rukia broke from Ichigo's embrace and looked at her in concern. The last thing she wanted to do was make Orihime cry.

"It's just - "Inoue hesitated. "Everyone came to risk their lives and Renji Kun he.."

She looked away ashamed, the tears spilling over once more at the guit that she felt inside. The burden she carried felt heavy. Suddenly, Rukia grabbed Orihime's arm to get her attention. Orihime stared at her in shock but a quick smile appeared on Rukia's face, even though Rukia's own eyes were wet with tears.

"Don't be guilty." Rukia smiled. "We all knew the risks, we _wanted _to save you. It's not your fault at all. You are strong Orihime, don't forget it."

Orihime wiped her tears away and smiled back. "Arigato Kuchiki San."

"Please call me Rukia . "Rukia said quietly. "Lets not be formal anymore."

"Hai, Rukia Chan." Orihime said softly.

Rukia turned to Ichigo, a determination fixed on her features.

"We need to find a girl called Hinamori, Aizen's former fukutaichou. Aizen is after her."

"Aizen?" Orihime said sharply. "I felt his reiatsu clash with Toshiro Kun's. Maybe following Toshiro Kun's reiatsu might give us a clue.."

Ichigo nodded. "Ok, Inoue you go in front and search for Toshiro Kun's reiatsu. I'll help Rukia carry...Renji."

His voice went wobbly with uncertainty as he said Renji's name. Although he and Renji had argued, Renji was still his nakama and it felt strange that he was gone. Not right some how. Orihime saw the pain in Ichigo's eyes and silently went forward. The moment Orihime walked forward, Ichigo sneaked a glance at Inoue before helping Rukia carry Renji's body. Ichigo mentally slapped himself. This was not the time and place for attraction.

"I saw that." Rukia said quietly. "I saw you look at Orihime."

Ichigo flushed red. "She's my nakama that's all." He muttered.

Rukia gave him a questioning look. "Are you sure about that?"

Ichigo felt himself turn a darker shade of red as he remembered what had taken place between him and Inoue.

_FLASHBACK_

"_Kurosaki Kun." Orihime said quietly. "I am so sorry -_

"_Inoue please don't apologise with all that pain in your eyes." Ichigo interrupted. _

_Orihime smiled at him, remembering those were the exact words she said to him when he felt like he had failed._

"_I promise I will get stronger from now on. I've been such a burden.." Her voice trailed off with tears in her eyes._

_Suddenly, Ichigo grabbed her hand. She blushed at the close contact._

"_You __**are **__strong Inoue. Don't ever think you are a burden, you never have been." Ichigo grinned at her. "Call me Ichigo, we are nakama after all."_

_Orihime blushed furiously all the while. "Hai...Ichigo Kun."_

_END OF FLASHBACK_

Ichigo shrugged. Rukia couldn't help herself. After all she had been through, she had lost the man she loved and he was dismissing his feelings for Inoue so casually...it was all too much for her.

"Ichigo listen to me!" She whispered furiously.

Alarmed he turned to her.

"You've got a girl that's beautiful and alive..and you dismiss these feelings!" She felt a tear roll down her cheek. "Renji, I...I loved him and now he's dead. Orihime loves you with all her heart, so you'd better tell her your fucking feelings!"

Ichigo stared at her. _She had loved Renji? _

Ichigo swallowed. "I…Rukia, I never knew.."

Rukia gave him a bitter smile. "No one did."

Silence descended on the pair once more until Orihime hesitantly broke it.

"Toshiro Kun's just ahead."

Rukia squinted. In the distance, she saw the white haired 10th division captain hugging a still form of a girl. Rukia went cold. _No! It's not Hinamori! She's not dead! _She felt herself tear up inside again. Not only had she failed to save Renji but she hadn't even managed to save Hinamori.

At that moment Hitsugaya looked up, confused and bewildered. _What are they doing here?_

"Inoue and Kurosaki." His own words sounded hollow. "What are you doing here?"

He made no mention of Rukia which didn't surprise any of them. Hitsugaya and Rukia didn't know each other well. For the first time in her life, Rukia felt a pang of empathy towards him. It was clear that he loved Hinamori and the look in his eyes showed the emotions she was feeling – pain, regret, sadness and most of all _Guilt_.

Rukia cleared her throat. "Um Renji was trying to protect Hinamori." Her voice wobbled with effort.

Hitsugaya let out a long sigh. "Abarai." he breathed. "Yes, Hinamori told me."

Ichigo and Rukia silently placed Renji's body next to Hinamori's. For a moment, Hitsugaya and Rukia's eyes met, filled with peace and understanding. Then Rukia was looking at Renji's body, the tears dripping down her cheeks once more. She clenched her fists. _Why had she failed to protect him? Why?_

"Just come back to me Renji." She murmured softly.

Her voice rose to a scream. "JUST FUCKING COME BACK!"

Suddenly, there was movement. In an instant, Unohana and Isane appeared, along with Rangiku and Byakuga.

"Taichou!" Rangiku's voice was hushed. "What happened -"

Hitsugaya finally looked up, his eyes filled with tears. "She looks beautiful doesn't she? If it wasn't for her, I would be dead."

With an effort, Hitsugaya wiped some of his tears away.

"I love you so much Momo Chan." He begged. "Come back, please."

The pleading in his voice tugged at Rukia's heartstrings. Here they both were, the two ice shinigami's together wanting something they couldn't have. On impulse, she touched his shoulder. Startled, he turned around.

"I'm sorry" She whispered. "I'm so sorry."

As she got up, the heartbreak she felt was unbearable. Suddenly, she felt angry at Unohana and Isane. She hated this, she hated everything that had befalled her and caused her to lose Renji.

She glared at Unohana. "Why?" She hissed. "Why did you let Renji die? You pieces of filth!"

With a scream, she launched herself at Unohana but Byakuga held her back.

"Ni Sama!" She whispered.

"Apologise." He said calmly. "I understand what you are going through but you must control yourself Rukia."

She bit her lip to stop herself screaming. _No one understands what I'm going through! No one except -_

She turned to see Hitsugaya staring at her, his eyes full of empathy. Slowly, she felt her anger evaporate from her.

"Gomen." She said dully.

"Good." Byakuga said, taking a quick glance around their surroundings. "It's best we be off."

So that was how it ended, in Huecos Mundos where Hinamori and Renji fell. The Arrancars would stay in Huecos Mundos as they were considered weak. It was decided that Ichimaru and Tousen to be placed in a high security prison. All the Espada save the ones that had fallen and Nel Tu would join them. All except one.

Grimmjow Jeagerjaques.

That was the biggest mistake of all.

_Ok well I've finally done it! Did you like it? Yes Hitsugaya and Rukia finally met! Satisfied? Ohh apologies if any characters were slightly OC. _

_PLEASE R & R NICELY!_

_XxXx_


	4. The Dreams

_Basically, uhmmm my file got corrupted and so that is why I took much longer than usual. Sorry about that! _

_URGHHH STUPID PC'S!_

_Xx_

6 weeks later...

RUKIA'S POV

7 am.

I sat up bolt upright. I slowly rubbed my eyes, and looked at my desk, papers scattered everywhere. It was just a dream Rukia I reminded myself Only a dream. I knew without looking at my watch that it was seven in the morning. It felt like routine now. Every night, working crazily till early in the morning and then finally falling asleep at my desk.

_Renji..._

His face flashed in my mind, that face still _dripping with blood..._

I shook myself. This wasn't the time to be dwelling on the past. Slowly, I got up and walked over to the mirror, my muscles still cramped and sore.

_Mirror mirror on the wall,_

_who's the fairest of them all..._

A smile came to my lips as I remembered that old line from my childhood. When life was so very different. Staring at myself, I looked worse than I even felt. My hair was a mess and my eyes were blotchy and red. Not that it was anything new. How anyone found me attractive was still a mystery to me.

I picked up my brush and started brushing my hair so I would at least look reasonably presentable. I couldn't cope with this any longer, hurting inside, crying every night, haunted by these dreams. I had to speak to someone. I paced up and down, trying to think who to talk to. Ichigo and Inoue had gone back to the real world long ago. They wanted me to come with them but I insisted them I would be fine in Soul Society. I had gone back to my original duties but the pain, though lessened still lingered.

_Who should I speak to?_

That question lingered in my mind. Then it clicked.

_4th division. _

Taking one final glance in the mirror, I shunpoed to the 4th division. This morning, at least, I did not want to be seen.

Moments later, I reached the 4th division. I glanced around quickly. Except for a few sleepy shinigami wondering about, it was pretty much deserted. I was about to knock when I realised the implications of what I was doing. I hadn't gone anywhere near the 4th division in weeks. I hadn't talked to them since...

_'You pieces of filth!'_

I winced inwardly at the ugliness of my tone. It was horrible to accuse them of such a thing. They had no hand in causing Renji to die. Yet, I felt too ashamed to talk to them and apologise of what I had done.

_Creak.._

I jumped as the door suddenly opened to reveal Isane and Unohana. They looked surprised.

"Rukia!" Isane said, surprised. "What's the matter?"

I looked them both directly in the eye and got down on one knee, my head lowered.

"Gommensai!" I said quickly. "I did not mean to blame you for Renji's death. Please forgive me! I'm very -"

"Rukia." Unohana said in an amused tone. "There is no need to apologise. You are already forgiven."

I looked up to see just in time Isane stife a giggle. I felt my cheeks flush a dull red as I slowly got to my feet. Brushing the dirt off my shinigami robes, I remembered just in time what I had come to see Unohana Taichou for.

"Unohana Taichou,I would like to speak to you" my eyes flickered briefly to Isane. "_Alone_."

Unohana nodded, her eyes showing understanding the meaning of what I was saying. "Isane." She said softly.

"Hai." Isane said obediently. I watched as she walked away into the distant sunlight.

Unohana turned to me with an encouraging smile. "Now Rukia, please come in."

Hesitantly, I followed her into her office. The sunlight was streaming in, bathing the office in warmth. Unlike back in the 13th division, papers were stacked neatly in order. Unfinished paperwork lay on her desk. I sat down across her, not entirely sure where to begin.

"Unohana Taichou," I began "I have been having dreams..about Renji."

I stopped in my tracks. She smiled at me pleasantly, and I continued once more.

"I'm trying to move on, working furiously at my desk till midnight. Every night, I dream about him. " I could feel my voice wobbling with the effort. "Sometimes, he calls out my name. Sometimes he doesn't. However it always ends the same, I -"

I felt tears fill my eyes and a couple slide down my cheek. "He's dying, bleeding and I'm holding him close to me, Unohana Taichou."

My voice becomes desperate, pleading. "Please, I want them over. It tortures me day and night. I'm always so tired. Please..."

I can feel my voice fade away with effort, but the message is clear.

_Help Me._

I can feel my heart pounding, just hoping for an answer to my question. Could she help me? Could the dreams stop...?

"I cannot help you Rukia." Unohana said gently.

I sit there, _stunned. _"Nani...?" I whisper.

"It must come from within, it is natural for you to feel this..." Her voice fades away to a whisper in my mind but her answer is clear.

_She cannot help me._

_No one can help me._

"Renji..." I whisper.

"There is something you must know Rukia." Her voice is sharp, bringing me back into focus. "This is strictly confidential but Hitsugaya Toshiro has been having the same problem as well."

_Hitsugaya Toshiro...?_

Then I remember. The 10th division captain, that sat crying over the girl he loved. Every time I passed him, he seemed fine.

Unohana smiled at my astonishment. "He broke down in front of me. He still loves her but he hides it better than you do."

"Really?" I know I still sound doubtful.

Unohana nods. "Yes, you are not the only one suffering here Rukia. Do not ever forget that."

I suddenly felt a little guilty at my selfishness. It wasn't like I was the only one suffering ony my own.

"Gomen" I said quietly. "I didn't mean -"

"Kuchiki Rukia?"

I jumped, startled as a messanger appeared before me. He bowed his head.

"My apologies ma'am! I have been looking everywhere for you! You are requested at Yamamato Taichou's orders to join him and Hitsugaya Taichou in the main hall at once!"

"Hai," I said softly.

As he disappeared off into the distance, he left me with a pondering question.

_Why on earth was I wanted?_

_Ok yeahhh I did it quite quickly actually considering XD I was going to put more in but nahhh can't be arsed :P_

_Sorry Hitsugaya wasn't in this chapter! He'll be in the next one though!_

_Xx Please R & R! xX_

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	5. AUTHOR'S NOTE! PLEASE READ!

_AUTHOR'S NOTE_

_I have no idea what that strange writing was so please not look at that!_

_OMGGGGG my file got so corrupted it's horrible!_

_:(_

_Please cheer me up with lovely reviews! xxx_


	6. The Mission

_:D Hi again!_

_Hope you like this chapter!_

_Ok this is a kind of changing POV chapter..lol._

_Btw I made up the hall – some meeting place that's really pretty lolz_

_:) Thank you BlackBelt and Human.Vizard! Ily both!_

_**RUKIA'S POV**_

"Enter."

Nervously, I pushed open the doors and walked into the hall. I had no idea what was in store for me. My eyes widened as I saw how big the hall was. _Massive _was my first thought. As I was admiring the various tapestries and paintings on the walls, I suddenly realises that Yamamoto and Hitsugaya Taichou were right in front of me. I stumbled over my robes in my haste and I quickly took a step back, my face a bright pink.

"Umm Gommensai." I muttered.

I saw Yamamoto and Hitsugaya Taichou exchange amused glances and I felt my face grow hotter with embarrassment. _You're such a fool Rukia. _I scolded myself.

"Now lets begin." Yamamoto cleared his throat. "I am sending you both to the real world on a three day hollow mission. I know this is your first one in a long while, but just because Aizen is dead does not mean that we should relax on our shinigami duties. Understood?"

I nodded, barely able to contain my excitement. This would be my first time seeing Ichigo, Inoue, Chad and Ishida in six weeks. I was looking forward to meeting then. Of course it would mean I'd be with the grumpy 10th division captain but that was a sacrifice I would be willing to make.

Hitsugaya opened his mouth. "When are we leaving?"

Yamamato glanced at his watch. "Be ready by six this evening."

"Hai." I said obediently.

"One more thing…" Yamamoto said quietly. At his words, we stopped in our tracks.

"I am sorry for your loss." Yamamoto said softly. "However you need to move on and rebuild your lives once more. Hinamori and Renji would want you to do that."

At his words, I felt anger. Sharp, hot, white anger burning in the back of my throat. I wanted to scream at him, to shake him that I knew all of what he was telling me. I wanted to ask him how it would feel for him if the girl he loved died. I wanted him to feel my pain and agony…but I didn't. I just stood there, staring at him until the anger and tension dissipated out of my body. I chanced a glance at Hitsugaya Taichou, and he was staring at Yamamoto Taichou with emotions I couldn't even fathom. I remembered what Unohana Taichou had told me.

"_He still loves her but he hides it better than you do."_

"_You are not the only one suffering here Rukia. Do not ever forget that." _

_Could it be possible? Could he still be in love with her?_

"Dismissed."

Yamamoto's firm voice jolted me out of my thoughts. Wordlessly, Hitsugaya Taichou and I walked out of the main hall.

_**NORMAL POV**_

Yamamoto Taichou watched silently as Rukia and Hitsugaya walked out of the hall. He had seen the hatred in their eyes when he had told them to move on. They would never let go of the past, they would never forgive themselves. They needed to, he knew the burden they carried. He could see it in their eyes. Even Hitsugaya, who hid his emotions better than most. It was there. They had both become more withdrawn. He sighed to himself. He wished he was young again. However wishing for the impossible was pointless.

Quickly but quietly, he shunpoed back to the 1st division for some peace and quiet.

_**RUKIA'S POV**_

Finding myself next to Hitsugaya Taichou once more, I felt awkward and unwanted. I caught a glimpse of my reflection and for once, I felt _Ugly. _I had no idea where that vanity and insecurity came from but I felt disgusting. I looked wrong. Looking at Hitsugaya Taichou, I remembered Hinamori. Even if one hair was out of place, she still looked beautiful.

_Hinamori..._

I felt tears fill my eyes and trickle down my cheeks. Aizen had no right to do this. He had no right. I wanted to -

"Are you all right?" Hitsugaya looked concerned.

I nodded. What else was I supposed to say? I quickly wiped away my tears with the back of my hand.

"Hitsugaya Taichou" I said croakily "Um are you.."

_Are you still love Hinamori Momo? Is your heart still with her?_

"Are you..going back to the 10th division?" I said quickly.

Hitsugaya stared at me, his emerald eyes piercing into mine. "Yes." He said quietly. "What about you?"

It suddenly felt like a dark cloud was enveloping me, I couldn't breathe. Would he understand?I felt the tears roll down my cheeks again, I couldn't bear this any longer.

"I have to go." I said in a rush.

I ran off, my heart thumping, my chest heaving and the tears falling faster. I could still feel his eyes watching me. That forbidden thought still lingered in the back of my mind. No matter what Renji wanted...

_I still wanted to die._

_**HITSUGAYA'S POV**_

Why? Why did Yamamoto have to say that? He could have said anything but that. He could have just dismissed us straight away.

"_However you need to move on and rebuild your lives once more. Hinamori and Renji would want you to do that."_

I just wanted to forget about the past. I was sick of people asking me about Hinamori. I was sick of life in general. If it wasn't for my promise to Hinamori, I would have left Soul Society long ago.

_Kuchiki Rukia..._

That girl from the Kuchiki clan. She was hard to understand. Although she acted formally enough, she was strange. She started crying the moment I was walking with her. I wasn't sure what to make of her. Did she hate me or did she pity me? I wasn't sure which. All I asked her where she was going yet it was like I had brought up the subject of Renji. I could tell she still loved him. I wracked my brains to try and remember what I knew of her. She had always been friends with Renji. However, I had no idea that they were in love. I still remembered a conversation I had with Ukitake after Rukia had been executed.

_FLASHBACK_

"_Ukitake, why don't you have a lieutenant?" I asked him_

_He laughed. "What do you mean? Kiyone and Sentaro are perfectly capable."_

_I raised an eyebrow. "You know they're not. Did you have a lieutenant?"_

_Ukitake looked more serious. "Yes, a man called Shiba Kaien. He's dead now."_

"_Dead?" I frowned._

_Ukitake sighed. "Yes, although I have never said anything. I do suspect that Rukia was in love with him."_

_END FLASHBACK_

As I walked back to my division, my shoulders hunched I felt my eyes water. I angrily wiped my tears away. I could not cry about her now. Not now, not ever. That was the sole reason I had never gone to see Hinamori's grave. She would be ashamed of the way I was acting.

"Hinamori," I wondered aloud "Is it possible to be in love more than once?"

_**RUKIA'S POV**_

Here I was. Standing in front of Kaien dono's grave. I felt a tiny bitter smile grace my lips. I had loved him once. I had wished he had loved me. Yet now, he's become a dear friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Kaien Dono," I whispered. "How have you been? I managed to avenge your death at long last. I'm going on a mission with the 10th division captain. A hollow mission."

I paused, trying to think of what to say next.

"I loved you once." I suddenly blurted out.

There was only silence, the rustling of the leaves, the soft sigh of the wind. I felt tears run down my cheeks, my face hot, a guilty secret that I had hidden from everyone. I could almost see him grinning from ear to ear. _Now that's a revelation I never expected to hear Kuchiki!_

"I wish you were still with me." I said softly.

I stood there for a moment longer, staring at his grave. Then I walked further on, through the mass of graves. However, there was one more special person still in my heart. I looked at the grave, no longer smiling.

_Here lies Abarai Renji_

_A heroic man, loved by all_

_May He Rest In Peace_

There was no date, at the time he was born. We were never quite sure. Renji and I were born in the lowest district of Rukongai. The tears spilled over almost at once.

"Renji," I whispered. "I'm going on a three day hollow mission to the real world with Hitsugaya Taichou."

I cleared my throat. "I know you would love to come with me, to see Ichigo, Inoue, Ishida and Chad."

The tears were coming faster now. "Renji, I wish you were with me still. I-"

I swallowed hard. "I love you so much." My voice shook with the effort.

I kneeled down in front of his grave. "I'm such a fool Renji. " I sobbed. "I miss you so much."

How long I kneeled there, I just don't know. I laid a single red rose in front of his grave. _A sign of true love. _As I wiped away my tears, I remembered one special moment I shared with Ichigo and Renji.

_FLASHBACK_

"_What music do you guys like?" Ichigo asked._

_Renji and I stared at him blankly._

"_Oh man." Ichigo groaned. "Listen to this! Blink 182."_

_We stared at him. "What are you talking about idiot?" I said annoyed._

"_Shut up!" Ichigo retorted. "Just listen to the damn song."_

_END FLASHBACK_

As the words floated into my head, I found myself singing along softly to the words.

_(I miss you...)  
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare  
The shadow in the background of the morgue  
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley  
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want  
Where you can always find me  
We'll have Halloween on Christmas  
And in the night we'll wish this never ends  
We'll wish this never ends_

_(I miss you...)  
(I miss you...)_

_Where are you and I'm so sorry  
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight  
I need somebody and always  
This sick strange darkness  
Comes creeping on so haunting every time  
And as I stared I counted  
Webs from all the spiders  
Catching things and eating their insides  
Like indecision to call you  
and hear your voice of treason  
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight  
Stop this pain tonight_

_Don't waste your time on me you're already  
The voice inside my head (I miss you...)  
Don't waste your time on me you're already  
The voice inside my head (I miss you...)_

_Don't waste your time on me you're already  
The voice inside my head (I miss you...)  
Don't waste your time on me you're already  
The voice inside my head (I miss you...)_

_Don't waste your time on me you're already_

_The voice inside my head (I miss you...)_

_Don't waste your time on me you're already_

_The voice inside my head (I miss you…)_

_  
(I miss you...)_

_(I miss you...)_

_(I miss you...)_

_(I miss you...)_

I smiled softly, letting go of a little of the pain. I sighed to myself knowing there was paperwork to do and I would have to get ready for the hollow mission soon.

"Arigato Renji." I whispered.

Then I walked away from the mass of graves. Into a new light, a new day, a new beginning.

_Uhm yeahhh loll I was rly motivated this wk! OMG 2,000 WORDS! new record lolz! :)_

_Did you like it? Yeah no? I just rly love that song by Blink 182 :D_

_I really felt like I was Rukia when I wrote her POV. Although listening to Within Temptation always helps! :P_

_PLEASE R & R!_

_Xx_


	7. AUTHOR'S NOTE 2!

_Ok basically..I'M STOPPING THIS STORY._

_Why? Because no one's reviewing! I have had 18 reviews for like 6 chapters? Yeah a lot of people favourite my story, put it on story alert but don't review!_

_Now everyone knows that more reviews more motivation._

_I think there is a very good reason WHY people aren't reviewing it:_

_1 You can't be arsed – DON'T BLAME YOU THERE! :P_

_2 You can't stand IchiHime – There's nothing wrong with that couple! It's a better couple than IchiRuki. IchiRuki's so annoyingly popular and you can see with the way Ichigo acts around Orihime is that he's kinder, softer...FANCIES HERRR! XDDDD Him & Rukia are best friends but I won't hate it if Ichigo x Rukia get together._

_3 It's too gradual. WELL IT'S A CRACK COUPLE WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?? Going on a mission together next...what could happen XDDDD_

_4 You hated the fact that I killed Hinamori & Renji off. Well sorry but I couldn't deal with Hinamori being alive while Hitsugaya x Rukia are together. Sorry!_

_SO YEAH._

_END OF STORY!_

_Hiatus! Unless I get like 30 reviews or over (which is like never going to happen) then I mayyy continue_

_but no thanks!_

_:D_

_Oh and dont flame me please for just speaking my mind. _


	8. Confusions and Misunderstandings

"Phew!"

I wiped some sweat from my forehead. Breathing hard, I had finally managed to zip up the rest of my belongings in my large bag. I let my mind wander for a moment, thinking what Hitsugaya Taichou would be like. I remembered there was only one time I had seen him smile.

_Hinamori._

I shook my head frantically, trying to get the image of the dead girl out of my mind. It wasn't fair, it just wasn't. She didn't deserve to die. I wiped away the tears from my eyes angrily. _Get a hold of yourself Rukia! _I told myself. _It's been six weeks now, don't blame yourself! _

_Yet I still did...._

As I stood up, I noticed that I had missed something out of my bag. Sighing in annoyance, I picked up the object. I stared at it in surprise, feeling the memories flood back. It was a picture which didn't seem too long ago, of Renji and I. I smiled for a moment, remembering how it all took place.

"_Kuchiki San!" Orihime said excitedly. "Can I take a photo of you and Renji Kun?"_

_I turned to look at her strangely. "Er...."_

"_What the hell man?" Renji sighed in annoyance. "I'm busy."_

_Ichigo snickered. "Rukia wouldn't even fit in the photo anyway."_

"_WHAT DID YOU SAY?" I yelled at him, before hitting him on the head._

_I noticed a shadow flit across Renji's face momentarily before he just shrugged his shoulders._

"_Hey what the hell lets get this over with." Renji reluctantly said._

_I looked at him surprised but he purposely avoided my gaze and hugged me close to him. I gasped inwardly at the close contact and felt my stomach lurch for a moment, but ignored it. _

"_Smile!" Orihime said cheerily. CLICK!_

I felt my smile fade for a moment. Why didn't I see that he was jealous of me and Ichigo's relationship? Ichigo and I were always going to be best friends, nothing more. Just like him and and his friend Tatsuki. I hated the fact that people kept trying to pair up me and Ichigo together. I had feelings for Renji but I hid them, especially from myself.

Suddenly the door opened and Hitsugaya Taichou walked in. I stared at him in surprise as I hadn't noticed his reiatsu.

"Are you ready?" He asked abruptly.

"Um...in a minute." I muttered, avoiding his gaze. For some reason, he always made me feel shy and awkward. I quickly opened my bag, and put the picture inside my bag. For a moment, I thought I saw a look of anger cross his face. Then I blinked and it was gone.

"You don't need that." He said coldly.

I held my ground. "Yes I do."

He didn't say anything further but at that moment I could tell he was angered that I chosen to take one of my few photographic moments with Renji. As I reached down to pick up my bag, he reached down at the same time, and our hands brushed before I quickly drew my hand away, my cheeks flushed, as he picked up my bag with effortless ease. I marvelled at him. _What a gentleman..._I quickly snapped out of it. What the hell was I thinking? Was I just admiring him and was I blushing because our hands brushed? What's wrong with you Kuchiki Rukia!

Shutting the door quietly behind us, we made our way to the gate.

* * *

Crossing over to the real world, I blinked at our surroundings. I hadn't been in Karakura Town for a while but I could see not much had changed. I felt a warmth in my heart at the familiar lights dancing in the distance. I realised that the sunset was going down and I stopped to admire it. _It's so beautiful..._

"Kuchiki." Hitsugaya spoke for the first time since we had arrived. "We're staying at a hotel. Yamamoto told me so."

Hastily, I walked with him for a further ten minutes until I saw it in the distance. I watched him tell the receptionist our details. I couldn't help but watch how smoothly he talked to them. As he walked away with the keys to the room, the receptionist beckoned me over.

She winked at me. "You're a very lucky girl. Your boyfriend's quite something."

_What the hell? _I flushed. "Oh we're not -" I started.

"Oh yes, you all say that!" She waved my excuses and protests away. The telephone next to her rung suddenly, a shrill piercing ring that made me jump.

"Scuse me sweetheart." She smiled at me. "Have a nice holiday."

I walked away from the desk, feeling very confused. First Ichigo, then Hitsugaya Taichou. What in the world was going on? Silently, the two of us got in a lift and got out at the third floor. I felt very awkward as I sneaked a glance at him for a moment. Why did I keep having an urge to look at him? I couldn't understand it at all.

"Here's our room." He stated.

I looked around our room, thankful that it wasn't a double bed. There were two single beds and had quite a pretty view. I couldn't help but wonder what was going on with Ichigo, Orihime, Chad and Ishida.

_Renji I wonder what the receptionist would say to you..._

I felt a strong urge to laugh at the receptionist's reaction to all of his tattoos. I wasn't even sure I could explain what was happening to me. Cry, laugh, yell....what on earth was going on?

I moved away from the window and unpacked my things, putting the picture on the table next to me. I smiled at it, knowing I would see it every time I woke up. I looked over myself in the mirror and grimaced. Every girl has their own issues.

"It says there is a festival."

I jumped at Hitsugaya Taichou's voice. I thought he had left the room as he was so quiet. He looked at me calmly as I turned to look at him. I gave him a wry smile.

"Then we better check it out shouldn't we?"

* * *

**Hey I'm back!**

**=D =D**

**Yayyyy! I know it's not very good but what I can say? I tried I tried =P**

**By the wayy check out my vids on youtube! My username is sarahboden =]**

**Don't flame them pleasee**

**Hehe I made my own twilight music vid and I haven't even read the book yet....**

**I love Rafiki20 & !**

**3333**

**PLEASE R & R NICELYY! 3 Ohh I do love this line thingy hehe =P x

* * *

**_**Preview of next chapter:**_

_**I turned to Hitsugaya with a defiant look in my eyes. "I don't care what you think. I love him and I will never stop loving him. What about Hinamori? Do you care for her at all HITSUGAYA TOSHIRO?"

* * *

  
**_


	9. Crystal Tears

_**RUKIA'S POV**_

Hitsugaya stared at me as if I'd grown another head. I frowned at him wondering what the hell was the problem.

"Nani?" I asked.

He raised an eyebrow. "Since when did you start being so informal?"

I flushed, realising my mistake. I must have been dwelling on Renji too long. I quickly got down, bowing my head in apology.

"Gommenesai Hitsugaya Taichou." I murmured. "I didn't mean -"

Hitsugaya sighed. "Please get up, you frankly look quite ridiculous."

I brushed my hair out of my face, feeling my face turn a darker shade of red. Being a member of the Kuchiki clan, must be rubbing off me. I felt stupid standing in front of him.

"Anyway." Hitsugaya muttered, but loud enough for me to hear. "I prefer it if you're informal."

My eyes widened. Did he just say what he thought he said? "What did you say?" I asked.

Hitsugaya waved a hand aside. "Nothing nothing." Hitsugaya said irritably. ""Jeez Kuchiki do you need an explanation for everything?"

He was annoyed, I could tell so I stayed silent. He seemed to get more irritated at my silence.

"Well?" Hitsugaya asked impatiently as I stayed silent.

"Umm well what Hitsugaya Taichou?" I asked nervously.

He looked like he was ready to explode but he somehow managed to contain it. ".Going?" He asked through gritted teeth.

"Yes! Um yes! Of course! Yes so er...." I was interrupted from my incense blabbering when he suddenly grabbed my hand. I stared at him, wondering what the hell he was doing and why I was feeling so nervous about it. I love Renji...don't I?

"Lets go then." Hitsugaya sighed.

Without further ado, we shunpoed towards the festival, not eager to miss out on the delights and treats in store.

* * *

My eyes widened at the spectacle. For the first time since Renji's death, I felt a true smile paint on my lips. From the corner of my eye, I could tell that Hitsugaya Taichou was struggling not to laugh at my face. It was wonderful, taking in all the smells, sights, tastes. The music playing in the background was joyous and I wanted to go on every ride there was.

I turned to him, giggling like a little girl. I wanted to share my enjoyment with him.

"Hitsugaya Taichou, lets go on the Ferris Wheel!" I grinned.

To my surprise and annoyance, he shook his head. "I'm not going, I don't feel like it."

I stared at him, the bright smile fading from my lips. Why was he being so difficult? Sure, Renji would have complained but he would have complied. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I had to stop comparing Renji to Hitsugaya Taichou. This was getting ridiculous.

My lips tightened. "Fine. I'll go by myself then."

**A/N: For the sake of the story, lets pretend there's no height limits for the Ferris Wheel LOL!**

I glared at him before walking off. I could feel his burning gaze on my back. I didn't care anymore about the past, I just wanted to have fun. Why did I have to be paired up with _Him _of all people? He was always so serious, he needed to lighten up a bit. Not for the first time, I wished that Inoue or Rangiku was here. They would know what to as the Ferris Wheel came into sight, I smiled proudly. It was truly a magnificent sight. I loved going on the Ferris Wheel ever since I went on it once in the human world with Ichigo, Chad, Inoue, Tatsuki and Ishida. I could still remember the exhilaration I had felt, I loved being so high at the long queue, I tapped my foot impatiently as I waited for the queue to shorten. Finally, there was only a few people in front of me. I grinned excitedly at the thrill I would get. I love fast rides. Looking back at the crowd, I wished that Hitsugaya Taichou would have just come with me. I felt like an idiot coming by myself.

"Kuchiki!"

I squinted at the crowd, concentrating hard. Did I just hear my name being called? And did I just see a white haired guy running towards the Ferris Wheel?

"Hey where did you come from?"

I turned around in surprise, to see Hitsugaya Taichou glaring at me, holding his sides and panting out of breath. Looking at him, I felt relief rush through me. At least I wouldn't be alone.

"I'm with her." He pointed at me, once he got his breath back.

Members of the crowd looked at me and him in disbelief. They let him through to join me but I could hear the mutterings and whispers get louder.

"That guy is so rude!"

"How old are they? I'm guessing they're 12 judging from the size of the girl's breasts..."

_Twitch._

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?" I yelled at the crowd in anger. How dare he be so rude about me!

Many members of the crowd backed away in fright. However, the young woman who said that seems unperturbed. I looked at her with dislike, she was your typical _Whore_. Blond hair, massive tits, her face plastered with too much makeup...you get the point. She stepped forward with a smirk on her face.

"Come on honey, admit it. You'll never compete with me." She giggled, a high pitched irritating giggle. "Your boyfriend's pretty hot though, you do have taste."

I glared at her in annoyance, feeling my cheeks redden. Why the hell does everyone put me with the cold Hitsugaya Taichou? I fumed silently.

"I'm not -"

"Next please!"

The man at the gate, motioned Hitsugaya and I through but thankfully not the idiotic bimbo who had spoken so rudely. It was true though. I was ugly and disgusting. As I sat beside Hitsugaya, I smiled. This was it, let this be the best god damn ride of your life Kuchiki Rukia.

"Don't let her get to you." Hitsugaya whispered.

I turned to him in confusion but at that moment, the ride started.

"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed.

* * *

30 minutes later, Hitsugaya Taichou and I were back in the open. I giggled to myself. On my insistence, we had gone on the ride _three times_.

"How was fun was that?" I laughed then added quickly. "Hitsugaya Taichou."

He looked amused at my laughter. "Better than I thought it would be."

"A compliment at last?" I teased him.

I couldn't believe what I was doing. I was joking with _Hitsugaya Toshiro_. We had only been mere acquaintances for years yet I was actually having a conversation with him. Smiling to myself, I saw the candy floss stall. I was about to walk over to it when out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of red hair. I froze, thinking I was mistaken when I saw a man walking in the opposite direction _with a red ponytail and tattoos_.

"Renji." I whispered. My heartbeat was going crazy. It was him, it was really Abarai Renji alive again. I could hear Sode no Shirayuki calling out to me.

"_Rukia, it's not him. Renji's dead..._"

I blocked her voice out of my mind. The only thing that mattered now was Renji.

Hitsugaya Taichou saw the changed expression on my face. "Kuchiki?" He asked, worried.

_Renji. Please forgive me._

Like a mad person, I ran crazily. I needed to see him, my heart ached for him. He was the one that haunted my nightmares for weeks...then suddenly there he was right in front of me. Suddenly, he turned around confused. My heart sank. It wasn't Renji, of course it wouldn't be. Renji's dead, why on earth would he be in Karakura Town?

My eyes stung with tears. _Oh you are such a fool Kuchiki Rukia!_

I felt someone pull my hand. Looking up, I saw Hitsugaya Taichou, his expression so dark and angry. For the first time, I felt afraid of him. He looked ready to scream at me, ready to hit me. _Ready to kill me_.

"Come on, we're leaving." He said abruptly, but I could hear the trace of anger in his voice.

I let him lead me out of the festival, not daring to voice my opinion. The moment we were quite a far distance away from the festival, he let go of my hand and turned to me with some ferocity in his eyes.

"What were you thinking?" He said dangerously.

"What...."

"You know Abarai is dead Kuchiki, yet you still run." His cold voice terrified me.

I was lost for words, I hated the fact that he had spoken so bluntly to me. It was all a blur. He somehow managed to control his reiatsu but for once, I was speechless. The fact that I kept silent, seemed to anger him further. He clenched his fists so hard that he drew blood.

The silence was dark and heavy, I could feel my eyes watering but I pushed the tears away.

"ABARAI RENJI WAS KILLED BY AIZEN! FACE IT KUCHIKI RUKIA! MOVE ON!"

I flinched. He was actually _yelling at me_. Why? From my fear, I felt new courage and anger bubbling. How dare he tell me to forget Renji? Let go? _Impossible_.

I turned to Hitsugaya with a defiant look in my eyes. "I don't care what you think. I love him and I will never stop loving him. What about Hinamori? Do you care for her at all HITSUGAYA TOSHIRO?"

This time I was the one that was yelling and he looked shocked that I had even brought up the subject of Hinamori. I knew that I was pushing the boundaries but I had already gone to far to back out now. I hated the fact that he was trying to forget about everything Hinamori and Renji had done for us.

"Don't you dare speak to me like that!" He snapped at me.

I grabbed his collar so he was lifted up into the air.

"I can say whatever the hell I like! Now you listen to me!" I hissed. "Renji and Hinamori died for us! I love Renji and I'm not afraid to say it. What about you, will you forget everything that happened with you and Hinamori? She saved your life Hitsugaya!"

I let go of his collar, panting hard. It was the first time I hadn't addressed him by his proper title. I could feel the tears streaming down my face and I made no effort to stop them. I couldn't bear him, his overshadowing presence, telling me what's right or wrong.

"I wish Renji was alive instead of you." I whispered bitterly.

He looked shocked at my words but I quickly shunpoed off to the hotel. I made no effort to change my clothing. I collapsed on the bed exhausted, sobbing into my pillow. I felt as if I was going mad. I didn't know what to do.

"Renji." I whispered, crying. "Oh Renji."

Still sobbing my heart out, I finally managed to drift off to sleep.

* * *

_**HITSUGAYA'S POV**_

I stayed staring at the moon, after Kuchiki had left. I hadn't meant to lose it on her. The moment I saw her hopelessly run after "Renji" I had lost it. Yet her words still echoed in my head.

_**What about Hinamori? Do you care for her at all HITSUGAYA TOSHIRO?**_

It was true, I had immersed myself in paperwork and acted normal but no matter how hard I had tried to fight it, I had to face the truth. I couldn't forget about Hinamori, still cared for her. I still _loved _her.

"Momo." I whispered.

This time the tears did fall.

* * *

**WOAHHH THAT TOOK ME AGESSSSSSSSSSSSS! :O**

**I just have a free period todayyyy.**

**How was that? I tried to make it as long as possibleee. I've been working on a page every day hehe.**

**PLEASE REVIEWWWWWWW! Otherwise I'll stop writing =P**

**XxXx**


	10. PLEASE HELP!

**I'm really sorry! I keep making mistakes =S**

**Please I really desperately need a beta reader**

**My story was over 2,000 words yet it looks so short =[[**

**I don't know what I do wrongg =[**

**PLEASE HELP?  
**


	11. Follow your heart

"_Wake up Rukia."_

My eyes snapped open in confusion as I looked around the dark shadows of the room around me. I noticed that Hitsugaya Taichou was still asleep, in a bed next to me. Anger and revulsion struck me as I looked at him, lying there on the bed so peacefully.

"_Don't you recognise me Rukia?"_

I shook my head, trying to figure out who was speaking to me. Who was it that knew my name? Renji? No, it was a woman's voice. So who on earth was speaking to me? I stared around the room blankly.

"_Remember me, you spoke my name once._.._"_

Then it became clear to me all at once. I was such a fool. How could I not have recognised from the first moment it spoke.

"Sode no Shirayuki." I whispered.

The air seemed to ripple in response to my whisper.

"_Come with me."_

I closed my eyes as a burst of light suddenly engulfed the room and I was engulfed with it.

* * *

Rubbing my eyes, I bewilderedly looked around my settings. The warm, comforting hotel room had vanished. I was in a grassy field, where the sun was shining brightly. In the middle of the grassy field, was a table where a crystal ball was on top of it. Curious, I advanced towards it and saw Hitsugaya Taichou still sleeping peacefully.

"He still sleeps undisturbed." A soft female voice spoke behind me making me jump.

I turned around and my eyes widened. A dark haired girl not much taller than myself was dressed in silver flowing robes. Were it not for a few minor differences, she was almost the exact replica of me. In other words, I was looking at myself in ten years time.

_So this is the true form of Sode no Shirayuki _I thought.

I swallowed hard. "Where is this place?"

Shirayuki laughed, a music laugh. "You seem to really have lost your path Rukia. See this?" She gestured around the field.

"Before I summoned you, it was raining hard a moment ago. When you are upset, it normally drizzles. However, there was lightning and thunder, so painful for me that I had to summon you here."

I stared at her in amazement. "I admit I had no idea.." I trailed off.

"Well now you see." Shirayuki continued. "You don't even recognise this place Rukia. The place where you and Kaien Dono walked."

She calmly walked over to the table where the crystal ball sat. "Just watch." She instructed me.

I watched her nervously as she waved a hand over the crystal ball. To my astonishment, the crystal ball shimmered at her touch and grew larger and larger. Suddenly, I saw myself and Kaien Dono walking in the fields. I understood now – I was seeing my own memories.

**A/N : Sorry you guys, for this scene which is actually in Bleach. I'm a bit of a KaiRuki fan so it's necessary! XDD

* * *

**"_Kuchiki!"_

I giggled to myself at the weird scene where I was spacing out. It was really strange seeing myself with Kaien. Although when I looked at him, I didn't feel the same feelings anymore as I used to, I still loved him.

"_Kuchiki!"_

_With no response, Kaien proceeded to hit me on the dead. I yelped in shock._

Shirayuki and I couldn't help but smile at the memories.

"_Wh-Why did you hit me for no reason Kaien Dono?" I complained._

"_Because yelling and shaking you wasn't working!" Kaien retorted back._

"_What if I'd woken up with a kink in my neck?" I whined._

"_Woken up?" Kaien raised an eyebrow. "You were sleep walking?"_

_I paused, looking at him quizzically._

"_Get a grip and stop daydreaming!" Kaien sighed. "We're almost there."_

Shirayuki turned to me with a soft smile. "He never realised did he? That you loved him."

I shook my head sadly. "No, I kept it hidden. I never wanted to jeopardise his marriage."

I watched myself daydream and admire the beautiful fields around me. It was quite strange seeing how young and naive I once was.

"_I'm going to leave you behind Kuchiki!" Kaien called._

_I immediately snapped to attention. "R-Right! Gommenesai!"_

Watching myself, hurry and tag along side him, I couldn't help but smile. I was like a little lost puppy wanting his love and approval. He was one of the first people to treat me normally and I loved him for it. My smile faded as I saw my sad expression. I knew I couldn't help but worry about my strength. It had been a constant worry of mine and it still was, but not as important.

_I turned to Kaien sadly. "Why am I even here?"_

_He looked irritated that I was even asking such a question. _

"_Isn't it obvious?" He asked angrily. "It's so you can fight to protect!"_

_That's right _I thought to myself watching the two of us. I should fight to protect yet I had failed to do even that. So many things I had wanted to do and I had failed. Shirayuki seemed to sense my sadness because she turned to me with a comforting smile.

"Don't worry Rukia." She smiled. "You are strong."

"Arigato." I thanked her.

_I looked dumbfounded. "To protect? Protect what?"_

_He looked confused. "Nani?Well...err a bunch of things."_

_I sweatdropped. "That answer is too vague! Couldn't you give me a clearer explanation?"_

I remember expecting him to yell at me for doubting his words. That was the way I was, always anxious to please. Except for Ni Sami, Renji and Kaien Dono there was really no one else in my life that I cared for.

_Kaien looked thoughtful. "A clear answer, huh?" _

_He stood up. "Kuchiki, have you ever heard our captain's view on life?"_

"_No..."I replied._

_He turned his back to me. "There are two types of battles. One to protect your life and one to protect your pride. That's Ukitake Taichou's opinion."_

Remembering those very words of Ukitake Taichou which led me not to save Kaien Dono, I wiped a tear from my eye. Renji didn't think of his life when he fought Aizen. He just went ahead to protect Hinamori.

_Kaien continued. "But personally Kuchiki, I think that in the end, you're protecting the exact same thing."_

_I looked curious. "The same thing...What is it?"_

_He gave me a cheeky smile. "Your heart."_

_**Heart...**_

Those words Renji had echoed. I felt angry suddenly that the two most important men in my life had been taken away from me. I'd stopped believing in God long ago, knowing that he must wish me hell if he did such things.

_I drooped. "That's so lame."_

_He glared at me. "Come on! I'm being serious here!"_

_He straightened up. "Ok Kuchiki, let me ask you. Where do you think your heart is."_

I burst out laughing along with Kaien as I watched myself to feel where my heart was on my body. I remembered how I felt when he had approached me then, my heart was pounding, feeling breathless. I had loved him so much.

"_When we meet, a bond between us is born for the first time." Kaien explained. "Our hearts aren't inside our bodies. When we think of something, or care about someone, that is where our hearts are born."_

"Of course." I whispered, my eyes widening.

"_There's nothing to worry about." He smiled gently. "If you wish with all your heart to stay here, then your heart will remain here."_

_Kaien sat down. "Listen Kuchiki, there's one thing in fights you must never ever do." _

_He looked at me straight in the eye.__"Don't die alone."_

I smiled gratefully at his words, thinking back to the fight against that horrifying Espada. If it wasn't for Ni Sama and the 4th Squad, I would have been dead.

"_We entrust our hearts to our friends." Kaien smiled at me. _

"_Entrust them to our friends?" I echoed._

"_If you entrust it to your friends, it will continue to live inside of them._

" _So Kuchiki, don't you dare die alone." He smiled._

"_**Got it Kuchiki?"**_

"Kaien Dono." I whispered as the memory faded away into the crystal ball.

Shirayuki quietly waved her hand over the crystal ball as it returned to its normal size. Suddenly, I felt a huge ache in my heart. I just wanted everything to be simple again, to just accept things for what they were, not doubt them. I wanted everything to be alright, everything to be what it was.

_I just wanted to have Kaien Dono and Renji back again..._

"Remember Rukia." Shirayuki whispered. "Never doubt your heart. Renji and Kaien are still with you, make the most of what you've got. I don't want it to rain in your heart again..."

I smiled, standing up. "Hai, I understand."

_Renji._

_Kaien Dono._

_I will make you both proud!_

_I will make the most of my life!_

I smiled, closing my eyes as the blinding bright light surrounded me.

_Remember Kuchiki Rukia...

* * *

_Opening my eyes again, I found myself looking directly into Hitsugaya Taichou's eyes. For some strange reason, I found them very attractive. A beautiful shade of emerald, he looked so lonely and lost, just like the mirror of my own feelings. For a few brief moments, we were connected but I quickly averted my gaze and turned away from him. He was the one that had made me feel different, I thought angrily. The one who won't admit his own feelings.

I heard Hitsugaya Taichou sigh suddenly. "I'm sorry Rukia."

_Rukia....? He called me by first name?_

I stayed silent, frozen in position not sure what to think, wondering why the hell he would be on first name status all of a sudden.

"You're angry at me I can tell." He continued smoothly. "You should be-"

"Cut the crap!" I burst out, turning around to face him.

Although I couldn't deny that I was angry with him, I was fed up of the excuses he kept making.

I took a deep breath. "It's my fault ok? It's my stupid _fucking _fault. I can't stop thinking about him and I shouldn't have questioned you about Hinamori. I'm sorry."

With that, I turned away to brush my hair in the full length mirror. I pulled a face at myself in the mirror. I could tell I had shocked him with my outburst but I really wasn't in the mood.

"Don't blame yourself." Hitsugaya Taichou sighed. "Look we need to talk about this-"

"There's nothing to discuss alright!" I put my brush away.

Suddenly Hitsugaya Taichou grabbed my arm and I found myself staring into those pools of his eyes. Why the hell did I find them so fascinating? What was going on with me? I couldn't understand it at all.

"Don't doubt your heart." He whispered.

Gasping, I wrenched my hand out of his grip. What did he know about me? Why did he keep trying to get closer to me. Dammit, I had to stop asking myself this endless stupid _fucking _questions. I was getting too worked up over this irritating cold, cute captain. I stopped in my thoughts. Wait did I just think he was _cute_? I'm definitely losing my sanity now.

"Get away from me." I hissed. "I'm going for a walk."

Before he could protest, I vanished in the blink of an eye. There was one friend that I could always rely on in a time of need. That friend I needed now.

_Ichigo.

* * *

_**LOL yesss I'm such a sad person that I would find bleach episode 160 subs (I hate anime dubs with a passion) and find such a KaiRuki scene =D =D. I skipped a bit though – It was well long!**

**I may HATE Ichigo and wish he didn't exist anymore because he's a waste of space, but I think IchiRuki friendship is just so beautiful! =D =D. Oooo I'm so excited about Bleach Movie 3 noww. **

**Urgh this IchiRuki fan(naming no names) said this to me on a forum:**

_**Sunset, I skimmed through one of your stories and I gotta say...**_

_**I COULD SO BETTER COUGH. AND I SUCK AT WRITING. xD **_

**Don't you think that's implying that I suck at writing? Bitch.**

**Sorry I forgot to proof read check! :) I'll do it next time k?  
**

**Rukia's beautiful =D**

**Please READ & REVIEWW! XxXx

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**


	12. Revelations

_**RUKIA'S POV**_

My heart was pounding in my chest as I finally arrived at Ichigo's house. I quickly changed into my human gigai form. I hoped he would be in, I really needed his help, especially as he probably knew Hitsugaya Taichou better than I did. He even referred to him as "Toshiro". I could never do that in a million a deep breath, I knocked loudly on the door. I didn't have to wait long, the door opened almost at once. Kurosaki Isshin stared at me in confusion, probably trying to work out what on earth I was doing at his place.

I quickly plastered my fake smile on my face. "Konichiwa!" I said brightly. "Is Ichigo in?"

Isshin smiled back. "Ah you must be..Rukia, Ichigo's friend?"

I nodded.

He scratched his head sheepishly. "Well he's just gone out on an errand on me with his girlfriend and his school friends Ishida and Chad but he'll be back shortly!"

_Girlfriend?_

My mouth dropped open in shock. "Girlfriend?"

Isshin sighed happily. "Yes the beautiful gorgeous Inoue Orihime. I've always thought those two made a good couple when they were younger..."

"Dad." Karin suddenly appeared at the door. "Why don't you let Rukia wait in Ichigo's room in the meantime?"

Isshin nodded. "Yes yes of course. Come in!"

Smiling in gratitude, I warily stepped into the Kurosaki residence. I hadn't been set foot in Ichigo's house for so long yet nothing seemed to have change. The hallway was still as bright and sunny as usual. I could still see the picture of Ichigo's mother hanging in its usual Karin up to Ichigo's room, I was startled at the sudden change. There were photographs _everywhere_. However, I couldn't help but be drawn to the big photo in the centre of the room. It was a picture of Ichigo, Inoue, Renji and I. Smiling softly, I reached out and affectionately stroked the photo of Renji's cheek. Even as in a photograph, he still managed to look beautiful in my eyes.

"Do you love him?" Karin spoke up.

I jumped startled. I hadn't realised she was still in the room. I turned to her, still smiling. There was no point lying or denying my feelings any longer.

"Yes." I said softly. "He's dead now."

I nearly laughed at the expression on her face. For a moment her eyes had a mingled look of surprise, embarrassment and fear. She flinched and kept her eyes lowered. I didn't expect her to able to understand. No one did, no matter how hard they tried. Only my zanpaktou understood but she was basically _Me_.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly.

I turned away from her, feeling the frustration build up inside me again. I wasn't in the mood for sympathy or pity right now. I began to wish that I hadn't mentioned the fact that Renji was dead.

I let out a long deep sigh. "Do you want something?" I made no effort to mask the cold, bitter tone of my voice.

There was a momentary pause.

"You're...a Shinigami am I right?"

My reaction was immediate. I swiftly turned around to face her, a lump in my throat.

"What-"

Karin held up a hand to stop me. "Please don't tell me I'm wrong Rukia. Ichigo's my brother, why wouldn't I know? I know a few shinigami besides you."

With a sigh, I sat down on Ichigo's bed, feeling it sag under the weight. I suddenly noticed the absence of Kon. It was strange not seeing him come flying towards me. _He's probably with Ichigo _I thought to myself.

"I'm on a mission." I told Karin as she sat beside me. "With another shinigami."

Karin leaned forward, interested. "What's their name?"

I hesitated in replying but before I could open my mouth, I heard a loud yell downstairs.

Karin stood up. "Looks like Ichigo's back. I'll talk to you later okay?"

I nodded numbly, feeling a flower of happiness and relief bloom inside me. _Ichigo's back. Inoue, Chad, Ishida..I'll get to see them all again.

* * *

__**KARIN'S POV**_

As I walked out of the room, I gave her an encouraging smile. She barely acknowledged me at all. When I told Ichigo was back, a true smile lit up her features. Her eyes that had seemed dead and dull were much brighter. Yet I could tell she was still hurting, from being in love with that guy.

There was only one guy that filled my mind, a guy with white hair and emerald eyes...

"Toshiro." I whispered. "Why?"

* * *

_**ICHIGO'S POV**_

I watched as Inoue ran up the stairs like a mad woman. I couldn't help but smile affectionately. Ever since Dad had let slip that Rukia was waiting, Inoue couldn't wait to see her. To be honest, I was looking forward to seeing her myself. It had been six weeks since I had seen her last. She would never stop crying about Renji, the guilt she'd felt as she couldn't save his life.

I snorted dismissively. _As if she could. This was Aizen, not some average hollow._

I pushed the door open with Ishida, Chad and Kon in tow to see Inoue chatting to Rukia.

Their chatter stopped as we entered the room.

I grinned. "Hey midget. Long time no see."

She smiled back. "Hey dumbass."

I groaned, sitting next to Inoue. "Some habits never change."

Inoue turned and smiled at me, leaning her head against my shoulder. I felt my heart beat wildly at her beautiful smile. She was just so beautiful, lighting up my world with her smile with her personality, with her presence. I took her hand and stroked it, kissing her on the forehead. Times like these, I felt like the luckiest guy in the world.

**A/N Apologies for changing POV's all the time guys! :(

* * *

**_**RUKIA'S POV**_

Looking at the affection Ichigo and Inoue were displaying towards each other, I felt a slight twinge of guilty in my stomach that I had not told Renji sooner. People always said that time heals all wounds, but this wound seemed to never heal. It was always there, a painful reminder of what I had lost.

"It's good to have you back with us Kuchiki San."

I looked up in surprise and realised that Ishida was speaking to me. Chad nodded alongside him without comment.

"Arigato." I thanked him.

An awkward silence descended on the group of us and I twiddled my hair while desperately trying to think of something to say. To my relief, Chad eventually spoke up.

"How long are you going to be here for?"

"3 days." I told him quietly. "Today's my second."

Ishida stood up. "Well my sewing class is starting soon and I have to go."

Chad nodded. "I have to go to. It's a shame you can't stay longer with us Kuchiki San."

I gave the two guys a quick smile. Watching them walk away, I felt a sense of relief. I had never really been that close to Ishida and Chad. It was probably quite awkward for them to even start a conversation with me.

I turned to Ichigo and Inoue. "So what I have missed? Excluding the fact that you two got together." I added with a smirk.

* * *

_**ORIHIME'S POV**_

"Rukia Chan!" I protested, feeling my cheeks grow warm.

I quickly glanced at Ichigo, whose expression seemed to mirror mine. Before I could say anything further, a song started playing.

_Closed off from love I didn't need the pain,_

_Once twice was enough and it was all in vain,_

_time passes and before you know it it's frozen_

"Shimatta!" I yelped. "That's my phone!"

I couldn't believe I still had that ringtone! I had listened to it once and realised how it mirrored my feelings for Ichigo. Quickly, I snapped my phone open and realised Tatsuki was calling me.

"Tatsuki Chan!" I smiled. "What's up?"

I heard her curious voice. "Orihime, where are you? I thought you were coming to mine remember?"

My face drooped._ Of course, I was meant to go to Tatsuki Chan's house.._ "Ah gommenesai I forgot..."

"Well just come as you soon as you can!" She told me.

"Hai! See you there!" I grinned, snapping my phone shut.

I brushed a strand out of my hair and smiled apologetically to Rukia and Ichigo.

"Gomen, I'm meant to go over to Tatsuki's now..."

"It's fine." Rukia quickly said. "You don't have to worry about me Orihime."

I sighed wistfully. "I wish you could stay longer..."

Ichigo stood up immediately, a smile so charming and gently which only made my heart beat faster. "I'll walk you to the door."

I waved my hands frantically. "No no you don't need to do that!"

He clasped my hand firmly in his. "I insist."

I felt my cheeks flush, as I could see Rukia desperately try and hold in her laughter. _It must be strange for her to see Ichigo acting like such a gentleman _I thought.

Walking out of the door, he suddenly pushed me against the wall. Feeling my face grow redder by the minute, I stared at him in shock as he slowly leaned forward to kiss me softly. However, before I could fully enjoy the kiss, he pulled back and grinned that charming grin which always made my heart beat all the more faster.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" He whispered teasingly.

I didn't care what he thought at the moment. All I knew at the moment was that _I wanted more_. This time, it was my turn to smile as I roughly grabbed the back of his head, and pulled him towards me in a long and deep kiss. As I pulled away from him, he looked shocked that I done such a daring move.

"Ori..hime." He whispered.

He leaned forward once more to kiss me, but this time I stopped him with my finger on his lips.

I shook my head disapprovingly. "Uh huh! You don't want to make me late do you?"

He stepped back, looking disappointed. "Yeah I guess. Sorry, I got carried away..."

I kissed his cheek and smiled at him. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I could still feel his eyes on me as I walked out of the door. I felt a huge grin form on my face thinking back to that beautiful kiss. I couldn't wait to tell Tatsuki Chan what had happened back then. I sighed wistfully to myself. My mind drifted back to that song as I skipped along happily in a daze.

_Doing all I can do, just to be close to you_

_Every time that we meet,_

_**I skip a heartbeat...

* * *

  
**_

_**RUKIA'S POV**_

Sitting on the bed and looking around the room, I realised that I hadn't felt this happy for a long time. I felt _at home_. The sun was streaming in and for once, my mood matched the sunny weather. I could feel a smirk tugging on my lips as I wondered how long it would take Ichigo and Inoue to say their goodbyes. Yet I felt a sense of sadness as well, knowing that I never did that with Renji. I looked up to see Ichigo walk in and sit next to you.

"Well that took you long enough." I giggled.

"Shut up." He muttered. "Aren't I allowed to say goodbye to my girlfriend?"

_Girlfriend_. I wondered how long he had wanted to say that for.

"When did you start liking her anyway?" I asked curiously.

Ichigo furrowed his eyebrows and shrugged, looking away.

"I don't know." He said quietly. "It's just that...well...I.." He turned to look me in the eyes. "I used to like _you_."

_**I used to like you...**_

I stared at him in shock, my mouth slightly wide open. There seemed to be so many questions screaming in my head at once. _How?When?Why? _Everyone had constantly told me that me and Ichigo made a good couple and I had laughed at them. Once again, I felt like an idiot, never noticing anyone else's feelings.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know..." I trailed off.

"Don't be." Ichigo sighed and leaned back. "At first, you were just a friend. It was when you left then I realised how much you meant to me."

"With Renji and Ni Sama?" I questioned.

"Hai." Ichigo nodded. "It was like, I couldn't function properly. I _had _to save you. I _needed _you. Inoue helped me a lot actually, she understood what I was going through. Even when I didn't understand what she was going through..."

At his words, I felt myself being consumed with guilt. I couldn't believe I had been so ignorant, so assuming that no one would think I had any worth or value in life.

"Ichigo, did I hurt you when I said I was staying behind in Soul Society?" I asked quietly.

"Hey stop worrying Rukia!" Ichigo suddenly look irritated. "What's past is past alright?"

I quickly forced a smile onto my face. He was right, I shouldn't be worrying and should be concentrating on the future.

"Yeah..."

"I started getting feelings for Inoue that were on and off when you came back." Ichigo said after a moment. "But I think what really hit me was when she was captured."

I felt myself drift back to the time when Ukitake Taichou had broken the terrible news to us.

**A/N : This is a flashback with the exact words from the manga excluding Rukia's thoughts and the descriptions:)**

"_Because I was the last person to see Inoue Orihime before she entered the Senkaimon."_

_Hitsugaya, Ichigo and I were stunned into silence. How could this be true? Listening to Ukitake Taichou's words it was horrible to believe._

_Ukitake Taichou's eyes narrowed. "Judging from your reaction, she didn't make it over there."_

_Ichigo stepped forward. "What's going on Ukitake San? Where did Inoue disappear to? You guys know something don't you?"_

_I was amazed how he could be so informal with Ukitake Taichou and attack with him endless questions. To my surprise, Ukitake Taichou answered._

"_I'll tell you what we think."_

_The rest of us leaned forward curious._

"_The two guards that passed through the Senkaimon with her returning alive, according to them....they think that Inoue Orihime was either abducted or..__**has already been killed by the Arrancar.**__"_

_The look on Ichigo's face was of pure shock._ _He looks like he can't cope, I thought to myself. What Ukitake Taichou is telling him, is killing him inside.I couldn't control myself any longer. How could Inoue be dead. After all, she was my nakama too. _

"_Ukitake Taichou!" I yelled._

"Seems like..you remember it huh?"

Snapping myself out of my daydream, I looked up to see Ichigo with a sad smile on his face. Wearingly, I put my head in my hands. Suddenly, I felt sick. I felt sick to the stomach, sick at heart, sick of everything. I just wanted life to be back the way it was, where everyone was alive and together again, happy and free.

"I'm just plain tired Ichigo." I said quietly. "I don't know what I want anymore."

I _felt _rather than I saw him nod. "Solo mission is it?"

I smiled in relief, glad to have a change of subject. "No I've been paired up with Hitsugaya..Taichou."

I frowned in annoyance at my attitude. Why did I find it harder to call Hitsugaya by his proper title. Why the _hell _was I being so informal? It was so unlike me! Yet Ichigo didn't seem to notice my distress. On the contrary, a smirk arose to his lips. Standing up, he walked over to the door and pushed it slightly ajar.

"_Karin _likes Toshiro don't you Karin?" He said loudly.

I shook my head smiling. It was wrong of him to tease his sister like that. At once, the door flung open to reveal a very _pissed off _Karin with her hands on her hips, her face flushed a dark shade of pink.

"Ichi Nii!" She complained. "Expose my secrets to the whole world why don't you?"

Sighing, I got up. "Well if you like him so much why don't you come with me to see him?"

Karin's eyes brightened immediately. "R-really?" She stammered. "Could you? That would be g-great!"

Grinning, I waved to Ichigo. "See you Ichigo."

He smiled back. "Later Rukia."

Walking out of the Kurosaki residence with Karin, I turned to her to find out what everyone so attractive in this grumpy Taichou I was working with.

"So," I smiled. "What do you like about him then?"

**A/N : Note! I HATEHATEHATE LOATHE DESPISE HitsuKarin! Worst couple ever! However, I do think it's likely she would develop a crush on him not that he will XD**

Karin paused. "Well, he's so grumpy but he makes me laugh. He's really...cute. I love his eyes and his expressions, everything I guess."

She looked at me questionably. "Does he like anyone at the moment?"

I couldn't help but let out a bitter laugh. "Huh! I bet he does but he won't tell me so."

She stopped in her steps to look at me carefully. "Rukia?" She whispered.

I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes. "Gommenesai." I bowed my head. "It's just that we...had a fight. I love Renji and he told me to forget about him so I challenged his love for this girl called Hinamori. They were both killed."

Suddenly, Karin hugged me. Surprised, I hugged her back awkwardly. I really wasn't used to showing such bouts of affection to others.

"I don't think he's angry at you." She said quietly. "I think he's angry at himself, he probably loves this girl.." She let out a hollow laugh. "Much as this pains me to admit it, he does love her, yet he's..probably sorry for what he's done."

I smiled at her gratefully. "He did apologise this morning." I admitted.

"See?" She grinned at me. "Look there is! So get your ass over there Rukia!"

I giggled to myself. Times like this, she reminded me of Ichigo. _I guess that's what they really mean when they say siblings can be alike _I thought to myself. Karin was already bounding over to meet Hitsugaya. I felt a pang of sadness for the girl. I knew Hitsugaya wouldn't like her yet she only tried to make him happy. Her arms flung around his body and I nearly burst out laughing at the shocked look on his face. It must be pretty awkward for him.

"Well I'll guess I'll see you later Toshiro ne?" She smiled cheerfully as she walked away.

"What have I told you? For the last time it's Hitsugaya Taichou!" He yelled after her.

I stared at him strangely. Why did he tell me that he liked it when I was informal with him? That made no sense if he was always stressing for formalities. I watched Karin laugh and walk away.

He scratched his head. "Don't know what's up with her."

A mischievous grin formed on my face. Why the hell were guys always this dense? Mind you I could talk. Hell, I didn't even know Ichigo used to like me, let alone Renji liking me until he basically admitted it.

"Come on! She likes you."

He shook his head. "Well she's got a long wait." His expression turned serious. "Rukia, about last night, I need to talk to you."

I stared at him. "Why are you being so informal Hitsugaya?"

"I could say the same to you." He challenged.

Before I could open my mouth to retort, I felt a sudden dramatic change of reiatsu in the air. Quickly, I changed back into my shinigami uniform like he did. My blood ran cold. I knew who's reiatsu this was, I'd faced it before. Why had they come? I thought they were dormant, never to arise again.

"Long time no see Shinigami!"

I turned around and gasped.

"Y-you..."

* * *

_**TO BE CONTINUED....**_

**Mwhaha I'm so evil! OMGGG THAT'S LONG! Actually I'm not using a beta reader anymore! Can't be arsed lolz. This took toooo longgg. Sorry, this is probably the way it's going to work from now on! Long updates and waits!**

**=]**

**PLEASE PLEASE READ & REVIEW! I WORKED REALLY HARD ON THIS! **


	13. Sorry

**Uhm. I'm really sorry but I just can't write anymore. I really really can't. I'm going to start on a new story - HitsuRuki high school version so I hope you read it when I post it eventually. I'm really really sorry!**

**Thank youu to all my reviewers! It's just that I've lost interest in it.**

**Btw the guy at the end who said "Long time no see Shinigami!" was Grimmjow**

**XD**

**SORRY AND THANKS AGAIN!  
**


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